Monday, July 10, 2006
wa seh! @#$%#$#@! raining the whole afternoon, spoil my outing. actually went east coast park rent bicycle.. can u imagine 1st 15min of cycling and next half hr of pouring and soon one hr of renting pass. kaox. my legs so tired jus by walking. as for ytd, went shopping. from far east to wisma, mccafe and then to plaza sing.. quite enjoy my time in town. talking abt it, i went to plaza sing's myphosis, bought two tops and a pair of slippers. total $77.70. jus before i left da shop i checked my stuffs, found out that the sales girl charged me 30 over dollars for tat pair of slippers when it actually cost onli 13. YAWN!!~~~~~~~~~slpy liao lah. but will be staying up for the final match. tml still need to work... bless me..
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Sigh.. the other night wanted to place $50 bet to support Italy (Germany-Italy match), din manage to buy cos too many ppl buying and they are onli accepting bets for at least $100. In the end, Italy won. $$ ~~~~ and then last night was between Portugal and France. I've chosen the losing party. Lost 50 bucks. So suay. Why did i even think of betting anyway? So unlike me.
I tried to work OT almost everyday this week. I dun wan to think abt our relationship. Perhaps some of u feel tat I'm the one creating problem here. I can tell u tat its a MISCONCEPTION if u tell me i jus need to be more understanding and everything will be alright. Don use the word on me. Understanding can lead to the other party taking u for granted. I wan him to realise tat putting 100% effort in relationship is from day one thing. I wan him to stop having the mindset tat he can always accompany me, coax me, sweet talk with me AFTER he is done with his stuff. Becos, I might not be there anymore AFTER that.
I often look back to day one and get upset when things are so different from day one. I don wan to hear sorry. It has become a everyday thing. I know he is trying very very hard to accomodate my needs ok. But if he do it only AFTER I got pissed off, forget it.
I am so difficult to please hor? Perhaps i shld move out of here and move on with my life. That is only achievable if I am more persistent. But when I'm in his arms, I retreat.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
You guys din waste a trip here. Have a sudden urge to update my unwanted blog; to voice out everything.
April 24 is my first day of work. Mon ~ Fri [8.30am to 6.15pm]- 6mth contract with basic pay $1560 & OT $12+/hr. Job is to process loan for companies. It has been more than 2mths, the most challenging task i feel is taking up the responsibility of creating and maintaining a post-acceptance database with microsoft access. The system works like this: when the user open the database, they see it as a form. They can either add new record, edit existing record, or retrieve reports. When something goes wrong, they come and find me.
I live my life dull but content. Life to me is work and at the same time maintain the relationships between me, my guy, my family and my friends. Dull but nonetheless tough. I experienced stress at work cos i am expected to process new applications everyday and aat the same time improvise the database to the needs of those who used it. In sch i only learnt the basic. I tried my best anyway. After work, i love to be in the comfort of my guy. Cuddle together after dinner, watching television and whisper sweet nothings. For convenience sake, i lived into his home. He sent me to work everyday, a 15min journey from his house, compared to an hour from my home. Problem arises- My family isnt comfortable with this. Although my mum doesnt insist i move back, she wans me to noe how to take care of myself. But for my granny with an old generation thinking, i chose to lied that i was living with a FRIEND.One day, she began to doubt my words. She is almost certain tat i'm living with my guy. Then she scolded me but i refused to be her good girl.
I can sacrifice my relationship with my granny but he has to make sure he's worth it. Ever since he gave up his job at k-box to be a property agent, he somehow gave me up too. There is no more cuddling and sweet nothings. All is abt time and money. It's not that i dun understand his stress. I wan to make sure he doesnt neglect me. Amist his busy schedule, i guess the only time left for us is dinner time, and perhaps sleeping time. Well, i can relate to u what will happen. His phone will ring every other min. There is barely time for conversation. Even there is, it will be abt his work, work and also work. Two days ago, we went to MOS, a farewell party for his friend. I see another friend who is attached, cuddling with a girl all the time. Jerks, but i think it's natural in this kinda place. And for my guy, i jus realise he doesnt show affections in public anymore. I initiate the kiss. I initiate the hug. Not long after, i broke down.
I'm tired of hearing excuses that he is stress with work, he has no time for me becos of work, he needs money to cover his basic expenses. and i even lent him money. I tot he is the one for me, so i let him in. He came making a mess, so i want him out. Our relationship is on a downtrend and i am in total loss of how to maintain it, and i wan to give it all up badly. I wan to break up.