[[ -DAVID & WANNING ]]-*

insensitive guys

2006-11-10T21:03:00.000+08:00

Guys are a bunch of insensitive jerks, and so is my guy.

Guys no matter what. they still lack the bit of sensitivity towards us.

All David Soh sees:- ::Work:: ::Money::
(They are co-related anyway) What i mean is he sees the BIG thing and that he is blind to the tiny mini things a girl needs. Come on! Not everything is about the dollar sign $$! Are you dumb enough to think that with all the money but no time for me will make me happy? I fake MC today to escape from work. Work makes my life so dull that i do not have any energy left to care abt other things. All i want is your company but why does it seem so far reached nowadays?? So sad...

Being a working adult now is no fun to talk abt. To watch every cent i spend doesn't make me happier even when it comes to the 26th of every mth (pay day). So i end up spending more and more to sort of reward my tough day at work.

::See This::
Facial package at jeap yip=$2688
Mthly...
Allowance to Mum=$150
Allowance to Grandma=$50 (will try to increase when my pay gets more)
Meals=$300
Transport=$60 (at least)
Hp Bill=$30
Shopping=$200 min (it all depends)

Slave of work. No one loves to work, yet EVERYONE is working. Driving me crazy. Stressing up my guy. Causing me to lose support from him (because I am expected to give him moral support and not the other way round!!) Damn it. What kinda life i'm living?

new post

2006-10-08T14:59:00.000+08:00

My boy is sleeping. Poor him, had been slaving the whole 9 hours when i'm sleeping.

He's been improving, trying his best to give me what i want. Even it means throwing the old him behind. And that's why we r still together. Being together is not all abt love. It's abt getting used to live with each other because when feelings fade, there is nth else to keep it going.

Did a spring cleaning yesterday, and i mean my face. Went to jean yip for a facial and it cost me a bomb! $2688 to be exact. Consist of 10 times treatment. Designed to clear pimples, scars and everything. Inclusive of $800 product voucher whereby i already use up $700. Quite xin tong when i finally key in my pin number haha. 4 months of savings wiped out. Well, ultimately i want the best for my face. Rather i sign up for a cheaper $888 but at the end of the day still can see flaws on my face rite? Heard that the money spent there can turn into points and exchanged for other jeap yip services. A new hairstyle perhaps? I'm waiting!

Meaning i have to scrimp for the following months to save back the same amt. It's worth it- this is how i console myself lol~ This year i'm turning 20. Thinking back, many things have changed. I'm working now, i'm earning, i'm spending MORE. What abt my studies? Hmmm... Haven really sit down and think.

Dearly fishy, all these years we have been great cousins rite? You have seen the ups and downs of my life. You were there when i'm still stucked with ShaoLiang and you clearly knew the route for me. So, dun hesitate to choose the correct route. My advise is that, i cannot tolerate a guy who cheats on me before cos he no longer able to provide me a sense of security. I would rather you move on. He, flirting with other girl just shows he is childish. He cant take care of you. I dun wan to see u hurt ok. Guys who are capable of hurting girls WUN change. Maybe these are not what u want to hear, and tat's y i chose the indirect way to tell u. Take care dear..

I wan to feel protected

2006-08-14T21:39:00.000+08:00

I wan to feel protected, away from reality!!!

hw cum i cant find this feeling in him anymore? where has the sweet nothings gone to? all abt us in life is STRESS from work. he is forcing me to grow up, to face the real world, to accept tat he will no longer FREE to be there whenever i nid him.

I long for a fairytale. A prince who is able to take care of me, protect me. I cant realli remember, since which day, his problems become my problem n my problem become insignificant as compared to his. My heart is floating away, day by day...

8mth anniversary today. 1, 2, 3... 6, 7, 8... as i was counting, i realise our relationship is dragging on day by day, mth by mth. THIS IS NOT WAD I WAN! I protested n alarmed him. Now it is up to him to respong n salvage.

east coast

2006-07-10T00:33:00.000+08:00

wa seh! @#$%#$#@! raining the whole afternoon, spoil my outing. actually went east coast park rent bicycle.. can u imagine 1st 15min of cycling and next half hr of pouring and soon one hr of renting pass. kaox. my legs so tired jus by walking. as for ytd, went shopping. from far east to wisma, mccafe and then to plaza sing.. quite enjoy my time in town. talking abt it, i went to plaza sing's myphosis, bought two tops and a pair of slippers. total $77.70. jus before i left da shop i checked my stuffs, found out that the sales girl charged me 30 over dollars for tat pair of slippers when it actually cost onli 13. YAWN!!~~~~~~~~~slpy liao lah. but will be staying up for the final match. tml still need to work... bless me..

up and down

2006-07-06T22:13:00.000+08:00

Sigh.. the other night wanted to place $50 bet to support Italy (Germany-Italy match), din manage to buy cos too many ppl buying and they are onli accepting bets for at least $100. In the end, Italy won. $$ ~~~~ and then last night was between Portugal and France. I've chosen the losing party. Lost 50 bucks. So suay. Why did i even think of betting anyway? So unlike me.

I tried to work OT almost everyday this week. I dun wan to think abt our relationship. Perhaps some of u feel tat I'm the one creating problem here. I can tell u tat its a MISCONCEPTION if u tell me i jus need to be more understanding and everything will be alright. Don use the word on me. Understanding can lead to the other party taking u for granted. I wan him to realise tat putting 100% effort in relationship is from day one thing. I wan him to stop having the mindset tat he can always accompany me, coax me, sweet talk with me AFTER he is done with his stuff. Becos, I might not be there anymore AFTER that.

I often look back to day one and get upset when things are so different from day one. I don wan to hear sorry. It has become a everyday thing. I know he is trying very very hard to accomodate my needs ok. But if he do it only AFTER I got pissed off, forget it.

I am so difficult to please hor? Perhaps i shld move out of here and move on with my life. That is only achievable if I am more persistent. But when I'm in his arms, I retreat.

LONG POST

2006-07-02T17:28:00.000+08:00

You guys din waste a trip here. Have a sudden urge to update my unwanted blog; to voice out everything.

April 24 is my first day of work. Mon ~ Fri [8.30am to 6.15pm]- 6mth contract with basic pay $1560 & OT $12+/hr. Job is to process loan for companies. It has been more than 2mths, the most challenging task i feel is taking up the responsibility of creating and maintaining a post-acceptance database with microsoft access. The system works like this: when the user open the database, they see it as a form. They can either add new record, edit existing record, or retrieve reports. When something goes wrong, they come and find me.

I live my life dull but content. Life to me is work and at the same time maintain the relationships between me, my guy, my family and my friends. Dull but nonetheless tough. I experienced stress at work cos i am expected to process new applications everyday and aat the same time improvise the database to the needs of those who used it. In sch i only learnt the basic. I tried my best anyway. After work, i love to be in the comfort of my guy. Cuddle together after dinner, watching television and whisper sweet nothings. For convenience sake, i lived into his home. He sent me to work everyday, a 15min journey from his house, compared to an hour from my home. Problem arises- My family isnt comfortable with this. Although my mum doesnt insist i move back, she wans me to noe how to take care of myself. But for my granny with an old generation thinking, i chose to lied that i was living with a FRIEND.One day, she began to doubt my words. She is almost certain tat i'm living with my guy. Then she scolded me but i refused to be her good girl.

I can sacrifice my relationship with my granny but he has to make sure he's worth it. Ever since he gave up his job at k-box to be a property agent, he somehow gave me up too. There is no more cuddling and sweet nothings. All is abt time and money. It's not that i dun understand his stress. I wan to make sure he doesnt neglect me. Amist his busy schedule, i guess the only time left for us is dinner time, and perhaps sleeping time. Well, i can relate to u what will happen. His phone will ring every other min. There is barely time for conversation. Even there is, it will be abt his work, work and also work. Two days ago, we went to MOS, a farewell party for his friend. I see another friend who is attached, cuddling with a girl all the time. Jerks, but i think it's natural in this kinda place. And for my guy, i jus realise he doesnt show affections in public anymore. I initiate the kiss. I initiate the hug. Not long after, i broke down.

I'm tired of hearing excuses that he is stress with work, he has no time for me becos of work, he needs money to cover his basic expenses. and i even lent him money. I tot he is the one for me, so i let him in. He came making a mess, so i want him out. Our relationship is on a downtrend and i am in total loss of how to maintain it, and i wan to give it all up badly. I wan to break up.

job interview

2006-03-28T01:07:00.000+08:00

yay!! recieved a call from WingTai this afternoon. tml interview @ 9am wor.. nervous nervous! wish me luck ok?

now @ my hubby's hus again.. tml he sending me to the place.. he had been supportive and despite the rush cos he has to reach his work place @ 9am too, he offer to send me there b4 he head off to work.. the job is for accounts assistant.. i'm major in finance only know abit on accounting, wonder if it is a concern or nort.. hmm..

mummy ask me abt helping out with them this sunday, for which last sunday is wad i did. and i agreed of cos, esp when my dad told her tat one family go work he's very happy =) tml cannot come here stay ler.. cos they found me missing last nite and i lied to them tat i go chalet.. im still thinking whether tml going back to my own hus or grandma's hus..

ok lar.. update to u guys again on the outcome of the interview.. knock out soon.

fail test

2006-03-27T01:03:00.000+08:00

Well well, i noe yang chenling is pretty is cute. but u dun have to immediately ask "GOT YANG CHEN LING MEH?" when i say "GOT UR FAVOURITE PERSON SHOWN IN TV LEH.." jus testing u only and see what kind of ans i get. ya im jealous, narrow minded. u can say wadever u wan i dun care.

thanks kwee

2006-03-24T00:52:00.000+08:00

first of all, let me say a big THANK YOU to kwee.. finally got a proper resume done with her help.. we practically spend the whole afternoon dealing with this. beginning to get anxious.. ruiqin, mavis, kua, kwee all found jobs liao.. but im still lazying and doing nothing!!!!! haix.. useless fellow.

next, let me comment tat i have childish parents!!! quarrelling in the middle of the nite. to be precise, its actually ard 2am. quarrel for an hour and it ended with my dad hugging my mum. lolx.. buey tarhan. really ah.. let me and my sister worry the hell for both of you. well.. everything's fine and this is what it matters.

and today, mummy actually called me up to ask me if i found a job, what im intending to do for my future and CHAT with me!! diao.. tot she is going to nag and scold me when she phoned me but she ended up chatting almost like a close fren. i have spent these few days building the bond between me and my family. love you love you love you all!

and oso to mention abt my cute boyfriend who find me a Parasite. basically is because im jobless and he have to support two mouths keke.. but he say he will support me even if im a parasite =P now at his hm loh. and he is sitting beside me sucking the winter melon tea, and reading my blog entry of course. lets jux see how long i can laze. the longer it is, the tougher it will be for my dearie. but i think nvm lah hor. you promise to date me next mth when u got ur pay. i want go eat sushi, go watch movie (damn long time no watch le!!!!!!!!!!)

dear's family thinking of moving hus.. and juz now his dad mention abt registering and both of us buy flat. wah.. i tot both of us think too far when tat time we chatted about using the next 5 yrs to save for our marriage. but now i noe his dad more... hmm.. it's like i nv expect his dad to approve our marriage in advance haha.. he jux hit my head with his ERA HDB notes cos i juz now ask did i say want marry you? hehe.. but i think im going to be stuck with him. who ask him to be so cute hehe.. simply love him.

speaking of ERA, his next step for our future is to move on to property agent. now he already started to attend courses learning more about selling property, the procedures and guidelines. jia you wor! u have my support. which means to say, if any of you or your relative planning to buy or sell flat, or anyone thinking of renting a flat or room, approach me ok! mux support me oso leh. my future haha.. and kwee, don envy =P

haix. he told me to switch off the computer myself. wad a bf. when i type did i say i wan to marry him? his reaction realli make me laugh keke.. marry u loh.. blushing*

exams over

2006-02-23T22:26:00.000+08:00

cover ur ears cos im going to shout

EXAMS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! OFFICIALLY OUT OF NYP!!!!!!!!

lolx.. but today caa paper DAMN difficult. think it is the most difficult paper in my whole of three yrs in nyp. sucks. shld be able to pass bah.. yeah? but anyway, last nite din sleep.. er.. not to count the 2 hours of dozing off from 5am to 9am, 11am to 1am.. haha.. tat's abt all cos paper is at 4.30pm..

now at dear's hus.. eyes so watery ler.. waiting for him to get out of the bathroom and can send me home for the day :) thanks dear for fetching me after my papers for all the four days muacks! yawn~~ the final destination 3 u all watch liao mah? gonna watch tml.. now tat i got all the time for myself, i oso dunno when i shld start planning for my future, wad job, where, when.. sigh.. let's jus dun think of it first.

continue another day. finish chatting with kwee then off to home ler.. yawn~~!~!~!~!~!~!

my valentines

2006-02-19T20:22:00.000+08:00

sigh.. damn busy with exams preparation.. let's tok abt my valentine's day this yr :)

in the morning dear working and i studying.. tat nite went east coast eat seafood grins* a simple valentine though, but very sweet.. jux the both of us and nth else matters keke.. i wanna spend all valentine's day with u from now onwards!!! but my exams dampen my mood.. one paper down.. three to go.. CAA will be a tough paper... how how? sigh..

morning ride

2006-02-07T10:03:00.000+08:00

catch a morning ride to sch from dear again haha.. perhaps this will be the last morning drive liao.. 1st paper next friday afternoon, and the next thing is... I'M GRADUATING!!

sounds scary lolx! i still haben path my way for my post-graduation. but most prob i gonna give university a miss. jac say it's such a waste to miss it but den.. i don have the financial support and i have no confidence to bear the pressure tat sch can give... sigh..

if i were to step into the working society, there is oso bound to be stress and new things to adapt with.. the onli difference is tat i EARN, rather than SPEND. but mum says a higher education level brings higher income in future.. how how? it's either i bear with it for another 3 yrs continue study and find a part-time too, OR i forget abt the whole thing and juz find a steady job. not to forget tat i have to repay my bank loan for poly fees sigh..

things at home

2006-02-06T13:14:00.000+08:00

things at grandma hus is still tense. haven tok to yeye for days. nai nai did try to tok to me. well, things getting better i suppose? haha.. tat nite too angry liao wan move back my home immediately.. now tat i have calmed down, it's one week to exam and thus not the appropriate time to move back.. and i told me sister tat im going back and now she keep asking me when i going back?! lolx.. after my exams ba..

dear sent me to sch this morning. clear my monday blues and have me all set to clear my final projects. but hor.. u could have brought me breakfast u noe.. sweeten up the whole thing keke.. but this dear of mine is like tat lah.. muz tell him exactly wad i want b4 he will noe, b4 he will give me.. last weekend has been spent in his fren's chalet.. we did quarrel on sunday cos he went to steal a puff from his fren, and lied to me abt it.. realli breaks my heart tat he chose to lie.. but den, still forgive him in the end.. cos though we always quarrel, i realise tat he is the person my life cannot live without..

ytd dear say to me, tat he wun dunwan me, unless i choose to dunwan him.. silly dear.. tot girls normally the one to say tat keke.. somehow i feel we are connected, like both of us are meant to be.. haha.. but sometimes, im afraid of falling. maybe due to past experience ba.. confusing state of mind, but yet im feel so happy and xin fu.. love always brings the unexpected (: dear, 3 words for you; those words tat u long to hear... I LOVE YOU.

retaliate

2006-02-01T10:29:00.000+08:00

:: new yr eve- reach home: 5am ::

went to esplanade see fireworks
shldnt have brought the helmet home. yeye was so angry to noe i actually ride on a bike.

:: new yr 1st day- reach home: 2am ::

went loyang pai pai

:: new yr 2nd day- ::

stay home the whole day..

:: new yr 3rd day- reach home: 1.30am ::

WENT WATCH 9.50pm I NOT STUPID TOO MOVIE. KANA LOCKED OUT OF THE HOUSE BY MY GRANDMA. 2am SHE CALLED ME TO ASK I NOT COMING BACK IZZIT. WAD THE FUCK. SHE'S THE ONE WHO LOCKED ME OUT SO TAT I CANT GET INTO THE HOUSE. YEYE CALLED ME MANY TIMES FROM 3-4am. I DIN ANS. I WAS ANGRY. BEGIN TO REALISE WAD THE KID IN THE MOVIE FEEL- HOME IS JUZ A PLACE TO SLEEP. AND DEAR STILL CAN FALL ASLP HAIZ. QUITE PISSED OFF BY THIS OSO. BUT EVENTUALLY, MUS UNDERSTAND LAH. HE NIDS TO WORK..

:: new yr 4th day (today) ::

DEAR SEND ME TO SCH THIS MORNING. DARK RINGS SOOOO OBVIOUS DAMN IT. SLEPT LESS THAN AN HOUR ONLY. HAVE TO COME SCH FINISH UP MY FINAL PART ON SPECIAL PROJECT. YEYE CALLED AGAIN. I BEGIN TO FEAL ABIT NEI JIU. TOWARDS HIM ONLI. COS TAT SOMEONE RATHER LET ME SLEEP OUTSIDE MAH. YEYE SAY TONITE I MUZ GO BACK AH. CANNOT STAY OUT LIKE LAST NITE. I WAS COMPLAINING TO HIM ABT MY GRANDMA. GRANDMA TOLD HIM SHE 12.30am SO LATE SEE I NOT BACK YET SO LOCK THE DOOR. WAHHH... MY EYES DAMN PAIN. HAD MY CONTACT LENS ON FROM YTD EVENING. ALL HER FAULT. GUESS IM GOING BACK LATER. PACKING MY THINGS THIS WEEKEND MOVING BACK TO MY OWN HOME. SICK OF HER. NO FREEDOM.

im the side dish

2006-01-18T09:18:00.000+08:00

your other things are the main course. i'm the side dish.

when we are out last nite for the show, end up din send me up and it's already past midnight. ur reason is if send me up, den later have to find another cab. u were saying tat u r tired. and the next moment ur frenz call. the next moment u tell me u meeting them. so wad jason has a car? u will still reach home later and did u say u r TIRED?

the word tired doesnt seem to have a problem if u r meeting them. u r more than happy to do so. but i'm tired.

+ side dish+

im tired

2006-01-17T10:28:00.000+08:00

im tired im tired. SERIOUSLY TIRED!! i hate projects!!

caa .(ytd; formal presentation on thurs). pfp .(tml). ift .(next wed). special project .(end of jan). crm .(end of jan).

how do year threes survive anyway?

and now the printer cannot be used. great. lesson starts at 12 and i actually woke up at 8am to come sch early. tot projects are meant to be grp work? it always end up not utilizing the full manpower. slackers borned every minute. or maybe they are juz dummies?

dear bringing me to watch heirloom tonite. but im so tired. my eyes can hardly open now.

i'm retaliating

2006-01-16T09:49:00.000+08:00

i'm retaliating.

if by doing so i'm able to get wad i wan, this is exactly wad i will do.

小心眼. this is how he describes me yesterday.

ok i admit i shldn't get angry for a SMALL matter. it's not ur fault tat u r aslp and ur hp is in the office charging. i got so pissed off when u used the three words on me. try calling me for two hours next time k?

i hate it when things are so out of my control. i hate it when i cant do things MY way. maybe at certain times, compromising realli does play a part. but pls don always expect me to understand that the way u do things is by NO CHOICE. do i look like i have a choice anyway?

pls pls pls could u think thru things in my position? i will promise to do the same thing. i will be anxious when i cant contact u. i will be sad when u make poor comments abt me. I'M OVERPOSSESSIVE. I'VE A BAD TEMPER. I'M SELFISH. if this is all u see in me, i am so so so sorry. i will take note of tat. don mistaken wor. i'm not saying it's all ur fault. I HAVE MY FAULTS. i'm still learning how to grow up. i'm angry at myself too.

-对不起，我就是一个长不大的小孩-

oh, tat fucking andy sms me last nite again, saying:

Chinatown start liao...got chance go walk walk lo...not bad...nite nite....

lame msg. wad do u wan from me? pls get out of my life.

nightmares

2006-01-09T09:21:00.000+08:00

i keep having nightmares..

last nite it got worse. dreamt of pple whom i noe getting killed. woke up feeling stunned and with shivers.. wad's wrong with me? the images bother me so much.

the moment i open my eyes, all i wan is to be in comfort of david. and i tend to feel tat he's always not ard when i needed him most. he used to brush off my nightmares saying i think too much, or how come i dreamt of these wierd things..

he nv knew wad i needed..

thanks for the breakfast dear.. and sry to cause u last nite no slp :(

2006-01-04T16:19:00.000+08:00

thanks for the breakfast dear.. and sry to cause u last nite no slp :(

last nite while chatting on the phone with dear, accidentally compare him with shaoliang. i said smth abt shaoliang will buy me breakfast while dear cant even wake up so early. den dear take my words so seriously.. jus a casual remark.. blurt them out without much thought. we ended the call soon aft tat..

morning wake up ard 8am cos lesson starts at 9. dear sms me, ask me open my main door. mac breakfast.. so sweet of him.. but i feel so sad.

he din slp the whole nite. n i think it's cos he feels tat he wun be able to wake up if he fall aslp. today is his off day. i feel so bad u noe!! feel like slapping myself hard on my face. argh!!!!!!! my low confidence in relationship has realli affected our relationship. complaining and whinning like a kid. i think i shld stop all these. im nth but trouble. feel so like a burden.

i feel like calling him. i miss him so much. yet... im trying to distant myself away from him for the time being. im too sticky. too reliant. it's time i grow up.

a wonderful birthday

2006-01-03T14:23:00.000+08:00

a wonderful birthday indeed :)

pictures updated on my friendster are evidences of tat day after the clock strike 12am!! the part i enjoyed most is not the outcome of it. it is the part where dear made the preparation, put the candles on the bed and adjust it several times jux to make it perfect. i love my birthday cake too.. chocolate flavour along with the love dear has for me. wahh!!!!! so xin fu!!!

my birthday cake

cutting birthday cake

making birthday wishes

yummy!!

ordered pizza hut delivery for dinner on the 30th too. next morning dear has to work so he sent me home for some sleep. din realli sleep though.. went shopping in heeren with my sisters, bought some cosmetics, waiting for mr david to off work. went for movie, the Chinese Tall Story and to esplanade to watch the fireworks. so many pple wor. hate squeezing with the crowd.. but then.. dear loves fireworks. so.. i guess it's still worthwhile to go :)

but quite sad lah. mavis and lynn. din recieve any greetings from these two, who are supposely to be my FRENZ. well, maybe they are busy. i dunno. got my presents from ruiqin and kua thanks bud!! and dear.. im waiting for yours~~ hehe..

back to sch so sianx~~~~!!~!~!~!~!~!~!~! projects and tests. yucks. going for lesson le.. tata..

motor accident

2005-12-29T10:19:00.000+08:00

sobx sobx.. girls quick quick show me some concern.. sprained my left foot ah.. so-so-so-so suay!! met with a minor motor accident on x'mas eve -.-"' plan to go town de!!! already on the way to david's hm aft his work so that he can change and head off to meet his frenz. but.. haixx.. end up spending the nite in hospital to check for any bone fractures and all tat.. can u believe it?

for me is consider quite small injury. my poor david hurt his leg and his left thumb got fractured :( when the motor bike collide with a bicycle, the motor bike skidded and we fall off the bike. STUPID BOY WITH HIS BICYCLE ON THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!!! IT'S LIKE WAD THE HELL IS HE DOING ON THE ROAD? NO BRAINS. SOMEMORE HIS FATHER IS THERE. WAD THE..

as i was telling david last saturday, x'mas is juz another ordinary day for me cox im not a christian don have the habit of celebrating x'mas. den he reply me say x'mas eve is ping an ye, muz spend together with ur love ones. so the opposite tat nite. ended up being a not-so-ordinary day for me. and the nite to us not ping an at all. but at least we got to spend the 12am together lah haha.. still can remember we are in the cab tat nite heading to his home from hospital.. oh ya.. spend so much unnecessary money on cab fare. past midnight liao somemore is a public holiday shit.

david got a 3-day mc. mc shld stay at home rite? not for him ah.. he bought dinner up for me cox i cant walk. even don allow me to go downstairs buy on my own hee.. feel so fortunate.. dear oso rubbed the thing on my foot. dunno wad is tat =x for sprain foot one.. both of us not tat guai during our recovery period lolx.. still went all the way to tampines on x'mas to watch the midnight show, Narnia.. cannot walk still wan to watch mah =p

these few days dunno is pms or wad feel so easily pissed off. even quarrel with dear two days ago. was complaining tat he spend so much attention and time to his frenz. he said i was jux like a kid who wun grow up. say i was greedy cox he cant possibly give all his time to me. his frenz and work are the things that oso matters. sad ahhhhhh.. im jux an ordinary girl, yearn to be doted on, to get my guy's attention, to spend all my time with him. nth else matters.. it's so tiring to fight for his attention and time. almost everyday his frenz call him to meet him up. sianx. feel so like a burden to him. if not for me, he could have divide his time between his work and frenz can liao. still have to entertain my nonsense everyday. I JUX WAN TO MAKE HIM MINE!! can i put a label on him so he's all mine?

2more days to my birthday!! lolx.. turning 19 liao.. feel so old. 18 is a nice number but i can only have it for one more day~ oh got to start my project liao meeting my darling soh for lunch later.. bye peeps!

d.a.v.i.d

2005-12-20T11:00:00.001+08:00

im back in sch for project sianxxxxx!.....

weekend so fast over.. last friday and saturday went out with david and his friends.. get to noe wad kinda frenz he mixed with.. not so bad lah.. though between me and his frenz not much to tok abt.. heard from david that his friends find me innocent and fragile hahax.. and when they saw me, they were like wondering how old am i.. look so young.. not like my age. oh ya.. no longer im hibernating.. david and i officially started our journey on wednesday, 14 dec 05. ive decided to give both of us a chance to try things out =)

tot i could give myself some time to get away for some air but here i am back in sch. dampen my mood. meeting him for dinner later.. jux the thing to get me going. omg! help me.. im falling aslp.. cannot ah.. nid to start my special project. sandra teo wans to see them on friday.. shit.

shld i go buy mac to eat while doing my project? so hungry.. but dun wan spend money leh.. haix.. problem nv ends. they jux flows..

shaoliang msg

2005-12-15T12:12:00.000+08:00

shaoliang sms last nite.

telling me tat david is a jerk, not a good guy n ask me beware of him. a fren of shaoliang told him abt it.

wad shld i do?

a person i merely noe vs. a person i noe too well.

i have no idea at all wad is the truth and wad is not!

someone pls spare me from all these can?!

david is angry abt this.. if shaoliang is accusing him, it would be unfair to him. but if it's the other way round.. i dunno. i realli dunno.

feeling is back

2005-12-14T19:03:00.000+08:00

the feeling is back.

im feeling the pressure,

from sch.

they nv give us a break.

i jux wanna run away from every lesson haix..

sion?

2005-12-14T11:07:00.000+08:00

still can recall the jerk S.I.O.N ? the one with 5 star rating?

he juz sms me say he going to work at xinmin sec there and asked: wanna eat late together? after 6 ba. Dinner. If tml im back here, you wanna meet me for dinner tml?

sending me shivers leh! wad makes him think tat i MIGHT agree to meet him?! y the hell does he wan to meet?!

thanks for the INVITATION anyway. im meeting david tonite. but not bad lah. u can get my hint tat i dun feel like dining with you.

oh abt the nafa test makeup, u guys going? make up is this friday 16 Dec, 5pm. im not going eh.. after tml is our 2weeks term break ler.. waited so long for tat. im tired. for the past few weeks, every week at least 2 test. seems like no end to it. sick. haix. later still got the crm seminar and entre lecture. if not for tat, i can be off 2pm. now have to wait for a dreading 7hours. can i skip??!!

tml is ruiqin's bday and friday is mum's. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! wish ruiqin a smooth sailing road after graduate, be it continue pursue studies or out to working society. and for mum, realli hope u will be happy. don wish to see u cry anymore, though u nv told us the reason behind it. it's not easy maintaining a family, esp. a family of 6 like us. juz to let u noe tat i love u, very much..

kua.. juz read ur blog.. ya loh.. sch's tough this semester.. hard for me to adapt too.. take care of urself eh.. anything i can help? juz call me haha.. ya hor.. i noe every week u will call me de =x guess tat's all for today le bah.. tata..

new guy

2005-12-12T16:27:00.000+08:00

well.. i was hibernating..

until..

until..

last friday my darling sisters dragged me to k-box.. the outlet at hougang plaza there cos nearest to our home mahz. the captain there, named david, asked his colleague to ask for my phone number.. haha..

from the moment my sisters and i got settled down, he was like.. always walking pass our room and looking inside. and my little sis rite, she noticed it, even b4 i did. so i was telling her say maybe he was looking for any empty glasses to clear keke..

so when the other girl, who is his colleague, came in to settle our bill, she was standing at the door there and said:

my colleague wans to noe u. he already noticed u for a long time and wans to get ur number from you.. his name is david.

that is abt 2pm already, end of our k-lunch session. then the girl came in again.

u all can sing until wadever time. we wun chase u away de.. david rite, is our captain. he says u all can stay until wadever time. any drinks or tibits for u? (FOC!!)

haha.. i shock tio. already preparing to go off liao. now tell me i dun have to go. and of cos, my darlings are too glad to reject it. then we stayed for another 2hours and got two glasses of coke.. paiseh mahz..

he msg me tat day and asked me out.. the next day, which is saturday, i went k-box AGAIN. den david was there to serve us all the time hahax.. cute!! well.. we din go out tat day, cos i already make a date with shao liang.

so.. on sunday david asked me out for dinner.. we went to town, bought a drink at mac-Cafe there and chat chat chat. aft which, settled our dinner at east coast there and spend quite some time enjoying the breeze and the many stars tat nite. wow.. realli many stars wor.. den he sent me home with his bike. reach home ard midnight.

now as for shaoliang. he got mad at me cos i went out with another guy. he even asked me who he (shaoliang) is to me. i gave a reply, A FRIEND. and he asked me y nort go and die. well well.. im so sorry u cant take the fact. if u feel that all the while im deceiving u, let me juz say smth. i din give u any promsies all the while. if u feel im such a bitch by giving u the wrong impression, den u shld feel lucky tat u have a bitch outta ur life. tat's all i wan to say to u. i noe u wuld read my blog. so get my points clear.

ok. as for david, lets juz see wad fate has for me in future. from now, i got to noe him more. a guy with bad record. typical gangster with tattoos on his body. he smokes. he gambles. he fights. been to police station (almost tio charged) . other than all these, the way he communicates with me and the date last nite, is okay. quite a gentleman. but his friendster testimonials don seem promising. racing and accident. wow.. not a simple guy.

sickly overwhelming emotions

2005-12-01T11:07:00.000+08:00

mum juz called me during my ift lesson asking me if im down with fever muz c doctor.. hee.. budden i only flu and sore throat mah.. hurhur.. thanks mum.. surprised tat u called :)

december already. so fast.. my birthday coming liaox *hint*

wad a year.. it's been a tough year for me.. my study been down the hill. one grade C last semester with no distinction at all. stupid TEP pull down my aggregate oso. if not for the TEP, im confident of the top student for year 2 award. pui* fine. don sound like such a loser.

my love life, one word to describe it all.. SUCKS. yeah.. let me relate it to you.. focus on those jerks ba..

Jan:

jinsheng. he likes me ALOT.. wad a misfortune. took me out for dates, call me up every nite. but when i get to noe him more, i found out he's not the one for me. so i make a decision, and became frank with him. he got mad. posted stuff in friendster and the hardwarezone forum to ruin my reputation to make me look bad. remarks are damn crude. at least i get to noe his true self. dangerous. i could have made a police report. but he apologise to me and took down the forum post. how come got such guy? eye opener for me. friendster email: heyunknown@hotmail.com

jerk rating ****
er quan. using the excuse of no time for me and broke up with me. so y in the hell did he wan to pop up the question? and aft that, well.. we are still friends.. but it seemed like he wanted more. more physically but with no commitment. so? am i suppose to act tough, act like ive grown up, can accept this kinda relationship? i begin to ponder. friendster email: powerofdreams_honda@yahoo.com.sg

jerk rating ***

Feb:

sion. look decent. went out a few times. den one day he sent me home rite to my doorstep. ok.. i stupid enough to allow him in for a seat or perhaps a drink. but he tried to... the extreme extent. dunno i shld say i lucky or unlucky. cos in the end he give in to my cries. from tat day, i refuse to ans his calls. forgot his friendster address.. but if im not wrong, he juz wrote me a sickly testimonial abt the sexy pretty comment.

jerk rating *****

March:

andy ho yuan kang. the ns guy with bike. look dashing. most girls will like. almost a perfect relationship. and i nearly tot we could last. this fall is a hard one for me. at the start, he liked me more. he gives more and i take more than i give. im at fault. im not understanding enough to be his gf. he feelings onli lasted for 2mths plus. den we started quarrel more often then break. up to this point it is a normal relationship i would say. den aft break we actually met up a few times. and it all ended up too CLOSe. if u noe wad i mean. no commitment no nth. he even asked for sex, an issue which pop out already when we are tgt. jerk. aft each time, he ignored me. my grade C+ is thanks to him. friendster email: ynkg@hotmail.com or ynkg2@hotmail.com

jerk rating *****

Apr:

linkle chua. well, im still with andy tat time. so.. too bad. get to noe him more. a potential good bf. tried to go after me but give up in the end.. cos he feels tat ANDY is more worth it to be my bf.. yucks.

jerk rating *

July:

mervin. nice guy. reali. patient and sincere. too bad our age gap is 6 years. hard to communicate despite his efforts. have to end it up. dun wanna waste his time. let him go and find a suitable one. well.. nice guy. though he ended up scolding me when we broke up, saying i treat him as a fool and all tat, we still remain friends up till now.

jerk rating *

Sep:

junwei. friend of kwee. always giving in. don ask me y break. it juz happen. i duno how to explain. but my sweeties u will understand. if u realli wan me to explain.. it's not suitable perhaps..

jerk rating *

Oct:

jimmy from kua. wierdo. dunno y the way he talks gives me creeps.. lucky his ultimate target is kua. but kua unlucky.

jerk rating **
jingyang. one year younger than me. boyish look. went out a few times. another no commitment guy. he applying for part-time instead of full-time bf. realli makes me ponder, is this mindset acceptable? or is it juz an excuse for guys to escape commitment? friendster email: legend_killer87@hotmail.com

jerk rating ***

get to noe more jerks out there. otherwise i will not learn. if gimme a chance i would like to murder them all. i swear i will not give any chance for friendster guys to noe me in reality. bastards lying ard online. i dunno y.. this year have been so down for me. Shaoliang is still a big headache. i dunno wad's there for me for the incoming year. i realli hope things will improve. this life realli sucks.

my life

2005-11-23T14:51:00.000+08:00

love is supposed to be a sweet thing isnt it?

remember my first love. things are so simple. i like u, and u like me. no guessing games. no sign of accusing or decieving. pure and simple. sweet.

wad abt the love im experiencing now? as we grow up, i realised that it is a complicated thing, yet many yearn for it. love being one-side is not the worst thing in life. it is the part which constitute to a GAME. there are many players in the relationship. one trying to outdo another. its either i dump u or u dump me. where's the significance?

is this mentality purely to protect oneself or to hurt the one who love u? or is it in the process of self-defence tat u accidently hurt the other him/her? for me, once bitten twice shy. i used to be ugly. for those who knew me since secondary sch days, u would have known how i looked like. love one guy truely, and he loves me too. this is wad i tot. and aft which, i see him standing rite in front of me and say:

actually i don like u. im juz playing with u.

ouch. it hurts, alot. lead to a scar. a deep one. y did he wan to do tat? aft this incidence, i began to learn. being too serious is stupid. to fall in straight is stupid. to love is stupid.

up till now, i still meet bastards. different ones. don get me wrong.. im not referring to ALL guys out there.. there are still some who are sincere and true. but i juz don have the luck.

hibernating seems helpful now. gimme time to think. to recall. to see thru guys. u can get me down. it's ok. but when i get up, i'll be stronger. don ever approach me again bastards. cos if it happens, it's PAYBACK time. im serious.

empty

2005-11-21T14:08:00.000+08:00

empty life. is the word ruiqin used to describe my life.

he's back. andy. whether he is going to stay, i dunno. we met up two days ago for a short one hour. he sms me last nite and said he still like me abit. shld i believe him or shld i not?

do i still like him? do i? even if i do, is he serious when he say he still likes me? does the term like necessary lead to commitment?

to play safe, i would convince myself say, he's toying with me. but y? don i deserve something better?

im going to hibernate.

Annoncement

2005-11-16T10:40:00.000+08:00

Announcement!!

er.. i noe its expected.. dun scold me hor keke.. im now back to singlehood again.. =x (long story) but to summarize, juz say im not understanding enough to be his gf..

recently, i feel lyke no one actually has the time for me.. all busy with their own stuff.. sad.. esp. guys at this age, its either they are in ns, or they are working part-time cos no longer get pocket money from parents.. can understand one lah.. not everyone same as me still get allowance. in this sense i feel more fortunate..

work and studies realli tire him out. his hectic schedule.. not everyone can tarhan.. tats not the main thing.. main thing is tat when he tire, he no mood no energy to acc me.. even on weekends finally can go out and spend more quality time together, we met at 3plus pm and 8pm he's already worn out..

worn out.. his mood oso not tat good.. i no satisfied cos he's not gibing me the attention i wan.. or am i asking to much? up to u all to debate ba.. guys have their needs (understanding gf). girls too have their needs (attention from bf).

let's juz say now tat im free. no longer do i feel trapped by him. able to breathe. less troubles. initially, i wan a divorce. he don wan so i opt for a separation. last nite, he agreed to break up. and even ask me not to contact him in future and he will not interfere in my matters anymore. i quite taken aback. i think he agreed cos i rather tok on the phone with my god brother than him. he muz be thinking tat my heart is straying.

let him be ba.. if he realli feels tat for the past 2weeks im only decieving him, with no real intention of staying beside him, let him be. no longer i need him. and i seriously feel his life cant tolerate my presence. work work work. study study study. all the best.

no hard feelings but.. can YOU pls return my mp3 tat mervin gave me? its not a GIFT. i merely lent u. can u imagine, when i ask him for my mp3 back, he replied:

"oh u wan to be like tat rite, den return everything i had given u."

unreasonable huh? wad a guy. did i ever said i GIVE u my mp3? fuck off lah.

new look

2005-11-10T08:23:00.000+08:00

hehe.. 158 bucks.. guess what is tat? yuppie!! rebonded my hair last nite.. spent a damn long 5 hours in the hougang mall salon Jantzen.. tat one at 4th level u noe? but the exciting part is i have a new look- had my fringe cut short.. hmm.. how shld i describe eh.. maybe u have a look at the photos and u will see a difference..

don bother abt the leg on the left.. dear is sleeping shh.. winks*

this is me <3<3>

a ghosty one wahahahahahhaha..

dear so noble.. accompany me there, sacrifice his sleep.. for the whole day he slept for a mere 2 or 3 hours =x thanks.. i love u dear.. eggs for ya hee..

having lessons now.. see ya!

BOO!!

2005-11-08T11:53:00.000+08:00

BOO!! haha.. im back!!! nid to clear the spiderwebs hanging around my blog ler keke.. wonder how many of u actually still will visit my blog now.. sad* let me see.. last post.. August 31st.. for the whole month of September and October yours truely has been MIA =x hope u girls will forgive me ok ok? hee.. IPP realli taking me lots of time.. shag me out. cant blog in scs. wahh so fast 11 weeks pass by. feeling abit yi yi bu she i remembered.. the last day of IPP almost left me in tears.. to think tat during my 1st week there i cant wait to get out of there.. thankful to my two supervisors Grace and Cecelia.. they have been so patient.. dunno when will i get to see u again but.. realli am grateful for the past 11 weeks (:

from 29th - 31st Oct

straight after IPP, i rescheduled my secondary sch gathering to 1st of Nov, which initially was.. 30th of Oct.. so sorry pals.. got a chalet tat weekend.. u all are to understanding huggies** actually, the chalet, supposing to be fun, ended up being sick for the sunday after the bbq on friday nite. i still can recall.. having diarrhea (going to toilet for upteen times, abt 7 to 8 times?) and fever in the evening.. upset stomache.. din realli get to enjoy the chalet haix.. pui* imagine a 3 day 2 nite chalet, the sunday planning to go escape and perhaps cycling or wadever.. wasted wasted..

1st of Nov

den last tuesday is the gathering we have been looking forward to.. steamboat at marina bay.. went to ping xian still having stomache cramp but force myself to go.. muz go wor.. otherwise i'll be killed by my sweeties hee.. 16 of us turned up. we chat, took some photos after the dinner. the photos i already posted up in my friendster and even put as my display pic.. see how important u r to me!! haha..such a waste though.. joanna and doreen din turn up ): joanna has something on at home.. as for doreen.. i dunno.. heard tat she din reply to kua's sms..

surprisingly, 10 guys came for the gathering.. been a long time din see them, some changed a lot, some the same.. cornelius is sitting juz opposite me, my old flame, as wad ruiqin said haha.. hmm.. wierd. awkward. we din talk. expected. anyway, we all went to arcade after they satisfy their huge appetite haha.. buey tarhan.. wei wen challenged me nba.. and u shld noe the outcome lolx.. =P~~ den the guys decided to stay for lens game so my sweeties and i headed home ard 9plus.

3rd of Nov

well well, so much of the gathering.. i met up with zhiqing and winnie (my primary best mates).. meiting got something on.. xianhui got wrong info din turn up diaozzz.. lunch at pastamania, took love katty and use zhiqing's digital camera to take photos.. haben send me!! cant wait to post at my friendster.. winnie say i the shortest so stand in the middle.. but! they say i photogenic grins* no wait! toopid ruiqin say me in photo pretty but in person.......... haiz.. have to admit.. my pimples all come out sianz.. complexion has been bad.. but my dear dear keep saying i still look great.. worried*

6th of Nov

i recieved a.. friendster msg out of nowhere.. this time round is a girl pengzz.. it seems like she happen to browse thru my profile and read the part dedicated to my dear dear.. she told me that she realli agrees with wad i wrote and asked for my permission to copy it and put in her shout box.. i don mind of cos... hee.. juz feel tat.. how come out of a sudden this girl msg me and i dunno her? don tell me she's interested in me? u noe.. tat kinda feeling.. normally girls dun msg girls.. keke.. nice to noe u though! i added her and we became friends.. a cute girl.. since she call me pretty girl in her msg lolx..

7th of Nov

Lynn's birthday.. already given her a keychain during the gathering.. hope she likes it.. happy birthday lynn!! these few days have been quite unsure of myself, insecure of the way i look.. toopid pimples toopid complexion.. shld i go see a doctor? all ruiqin's fault.. she started it humph! and today, a classmate of my dear commented tat i grew fatter as compared to 1year back. say i look better instead.. not so skinny. in other words, im FATTER!! oh god.. den i ask ruiqin whether it is true or not.. she look at me... up and down.. den replied a YES! face rounder and arm thicker. what the.. how come im changing and i dunno? and is changing for the not so good..

8th of Nov

lesson actually starting at 12pm.. and im here early to have breakfast with my dear. tired. he's tired too cos he went here rite after his work.. tml is the nafa test.. i think im not going.. or shld i go? dunno eh.. printed the notes from cms.. cost me more than 10bucks. sianz.. trying to save money for my hair rebonding.. i think i might.. i MIGHT.. juz go rebond this week and have a haircut, a new hairstyle.. but i cant bear to part with my money.. see how ba.. seems like my hair like cannot make it liao.. time for another rebond..

oops! so long!

2005-08-31T20:04:00.000+08:00

oops! haha.. so long nv blog liaoz.. serene complaining liao hurhur.. okok.. long post long post!!

IPP is so tiring!! wonder how's u all doing out there.. miss ya lots..

well, basically our first day there rite, no sense of belonging there.. cos pple treat u as transparent and so unwelcoming. as days go by, things get better and better each day. but i feel tat my company is so not organized! they din even have a proper planning for wad to allocate for us to do. so the first week we are like doing filing and helping them arrange their files! shit! give us job tat they dunwan do haiz..

at least now better ba.. been assigned to manage the SCS accrued stock- part of the GL or wad.. den imagine facing an excel file of more than 18,000 rows and over 10 columns! wahhh.. faint! lolx.. the good thing is my supervisor quite nice to me, din give me deadlines for it and always so ready to ans my any query.

juz got my pay today. $215. hmm... not very much, considering tat we only earn abt a pathetic $19.50 per day. long hours facing the computer, but the 10 of us always go for break together, chat and tok crap to pass the day haha..

there's no shelter to the nearest coffee shop and when it is raining, tat's it! remember once we order mac which take more than an hour to arrive which is after our break time. but we took our time anyway haha.. juz imagine 10 of us squeezing in a small pantry grins*

sianz.. next saturday muz submit a mini report for my special project. i din even have the time and the access to computer outside work! so how am i suppose to find time and computer to do my stuff??!! still cracking my brain thinking how to work things out hmm..

anyway, hope things are fine with u guys. hope to see u soon maybe ask me out for dinner if u got the time? tk care wor.. i'll try to blog more often.. i'll try.. though i dun even noe when i can do tat haha.. tata!

long posting

2005-08-15T15:38:00.000+08:00

oops! seems like i'm missing all the things out here lolx..

been so busy with my exams recently.. and when my classmates are having a few days rest b4 attachment starts, i've got a test for my special project today..

be prepared.. this will be a long post wahahaha..

ready??

been posted to Singapore Computer System (SCS). Allowance- $450. Working hours- 8.30am to 6pm. LOCATION- bedok. great.. not that i wanna complain!! there are pple out ther working less hours than me and getting more money. and all my classmates can enjoy their few days of holidays and i have to write a one page introduction abt SCS, email to my LO (teacher-in-charge) today.

read lao kua blog.. have become a regular already hee.. agree with her- secondary sch life seem much less complicated than poly. we are so contented jus by succeeding to chop place in canteen during recess haha.. 8 of us make a big group and though we splited into 2 different classes, we nv fail to meet up during recess and after sch. not to forget us joining choir 2gether and performing on stage haha.. hmm.. of course tat is b4 me and kevin became an item. and i started neglecting them.. have always been wanting to apologise to u all.. sorri sorri!! to kua, ruiqin, kwee, mavis, lynn, doreen and joanna.. so great to know u guys. miss u guys a million lots keke.. and it is such a coincidence tat in poly, 8 of us are once again split into 2 different schools.. gathering soon!!!

i guess my frenz will wanna know abt my me and mervin now.. all of you have shown me so much concern during this period of time and makes me feel so xing fu.. i'm beginning to accept him.. he's a great guy. no temper. realli dotes on me alot and gives me all the attention i wan. willing to change for me. willing to do anything to please me.. he's so cute when he tries so hard to please me hehe.. last saturday, our first month anniversary. he brought me to lunch @ Marche, and all i have to do is to sit there and wait for lunch to be served keke.. thx dear.. he gave me a necklace with star pendent.. hmm.. it is made of dunno wad stone i forgot.. tat kind which will shine in different colours when exposed to different lighting. he noes i love to see movies and we watched the wedding crashers. he bought a couple ring for us.. i like it alot. and arz.. actually wanna shop for my formal stuff to wear for my attachment, end up stomach cramp. up till now still haben fully recover. on and off pain sianz.. dear bought me medicine bt seems like not much of help ): so sweet of him to buy me medicine. a great guy. i'll treasure him.

abt yuankang my ex.. i dun wanna lie. i still miss him. i'm getting over him, though not fully succeed yet. since he left, no one came into my heart. even mervin finds it difficult to win over my heart. he says my heart is not open yet. i'm trying very hard!!!! haix.. okay.. seems like yuankang has moved on faster than i did. i feel happy for him though we arent on talking terms oreadi. wish you all the best. glad to noe u.

going to have a haircut soon!! sometime this month i think. dunno when i'll be posting again with the busy attachment coming up.. i'll try to update this blog as frequently as possible ya? tk care guys..

exam exam exam

2005-08-05T21:43:00.000+08:00

insurance paper finished! 3 more papers to go!!

mervin refuse to break..

he wans me to give us more time, until end this time..

haiz haiz.. in status wise, he is indeed my bf.. but in actual fact, he is trying to win over my heart..

ok den.. jus gimme some time to finish my exams first..

jus let nature takes its course ba!

... back to my books ...

sorry mervin

2005-07-29T00:44:00.000+08:00

sorry mervin.. i juz cant get him out of my mind..

jux nt so ready for a relationship now.. been thinking lots these few days when ya nt ard.. and i feel i shldnt lead u on when i'm not so committed in da relationship.. sorri sorri!!

i'm not a gd gf..

maybe i'm realli a bitch as wad my ex said.

i rather u hate me now den to drag on our relationship to the time it's difficult to let go..

sorry.. i'm really sorry..

tml u will be back to singapore ler.. i hate to break the news to you.. but i shld be fair to ya.

meeting serene

2005-07-27T10:53:00.000+08:00

ytd had lunch with serene; had a great chat with her hurhur..

den realised that i'm not the only one who seem to always have problems in my relationship.

when i told her abt my ex-bf (the guy in ns) expects changes in me, say that i'm fat -.-"' like all my other frenz, she gave me the same reply- ASK HIM GO AND DIE LAR! lolx!! thanks to u all!! at least i noe i'm not fat.

and den i heard from her tat there are guys worse than tat and the way serene sounds, it is so funny.

the ex-bf of one of fren (A) dun like her to fart nor DO BIG BUSINESS when he was out with her. he commented tat (A) is so pretty and it will be so unsightly to fart or do big business. as a result, (A) dun even dare to go toilet when they meet up.

and den, i asked serene whether both of them still together or not, she said nt together liaoz.. if they happen to marry, then (A) forever cannot clear her bowels but have to go hospital do it ler. erm.. the guy realli is ridiculous. alot of sucky guys in today's society. i even start to wonder why i like guys.

maybe i shld go for girls instead? hurhur.. mervin will be very sad to hear this..

anyway, nice to have so many friends ard. it make me realise that there are many other things in life rather than relationship tat is worth for me to treasure.

exams exams

2005-07-25T14:11:00.000+08:00

mervin in hongkong now.. hope he enjoys himself there..

recently watched the movie "the island" with him. a great show i would say. RECOMMENDED!!

last week of sch.. exams exams exams next week ler.. haix.. nid to start burying my head in my notes soon -.-"'

heard that attachment result out liaoz.. budden i still have no idea where to check it out hmm..

same old week. nothing much to say. how am i feeling now den?

still lost* i dunno wad i wan.

2005-07-22T10:26:00.000+08:00

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: Not really

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No way

Girl: What would you choose: your life..or me?

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boyruns after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is cos' you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is cos' I love you. The reason I don't want you is cos I need you. The reason I wun cry if you left is cos I would die if you left. The reason I wun live for you is cos I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is cos Iwould do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is cos you ARE my life.

*sweet, but it's fairytale. it nv happen in real life. at least, it nv happen in my story..

meaning of life

2005-07-19T14:27:00.000+08:00

for the first time, i dunno wad to write in my bloggie -.-"'

two more weeks to my exam.. restless. juz wanna slack the whole day. my life is in a mess i can say.. i'm still trying to look for the meaning of life. got myself a dearie, almost one week ler. his name is mervin. but yet i am still uncertain of wad i wan. he had been giving to me, to my extreme emotions and uncertainty- jus cox of one word LOVE*

it is so amazing how love works in the today's society, with its wide meaning and implications. i'm not ready to commit. he knew tat too. he wanna try his luck and hope tat i will get back on the track soon. sort of regretted to be in the relationship. i dun wish to end up hurting him.

with the tons of sms and calls nowadays from my guy friends, he seem insecure and unhappy too. if i have chose to remain single, will things be easier for both of us?

ning ponders*

time for blogging

2005-07-14T11:09:00.000+08:00

time for blogging again since i'm free for the day winks*

2more projects and 1 written test on hand.. will be cleared within the next 2 weeks. after tat is EXAM!! wahh.. one semester pass so fast. or maybe cox for the last 2mths my mind is literally not in sch? haha..

got back effective ica2 results.. not so bad.. got a grade B. compensate for the previous grade D-. budden the best i can get will be a C cox ica3 is 20%. even if i score full marks i still barely hit 70.

time to face reality. got no one else to blame.

i'm catching up with all the sch stuff these 2weeks. very very busy but now can shift my attention to my exam and devote all to it.

attachment coming in mid-Aug.. dunno when i will be posted to. and it will be another busy phase of sch life.. gone back to dating. still have to create some spice in my life mah. basically everything is in place and i'm contented with the way things are.

*contented girl

busy busy

2005-07-12T22:04:00.000+08:00

4days since i blog hee.. my last post ish so uncouth. sry pals..

after i scolded him jerk with a reply from him bitch, it seems like he wanna cut off ties with me. i realise he deleted the past testimonials he wrote. cool. and i delete him off my friendster list. who is he to call me bitch? unless he's a bastard =)

last weekend watched "fantastic four". the movie was great. fantastic. this week so tired.. spending near to 10hours in sch these 2days. dun even have the time to eat wor.. i still remember i start having my breakfast-cum-lunch-cum-dinner at 8pm last nite. monday rushing my QM report and effective portfolio, tuesday rushing my ib ica2 and tml going back to submit it. after tat, time for my ib project.

i think i need some rest.. so.. not going to sch on friday =p

love the way my life goes now.. no commitment.. jus have to be myself and do wad i wan. cool. dun try to change my life. dun try to change who i am. if u here to change me, get outta my life.

jerk!!

2005-07-08T11:17:00.000+08:00

jerk!! damn fucking jerk. to think tat i believe u on the friendster msg matter. wtf!! she's an ex-gf of yours 2 years back. how did i noe? cox she's in my msn list. and wad did u told me? u said she is a friend of ur friend. when i questioned u tt time abt this, i still remembered how u used a fucking bad tone to reply me. and i actually tot it is MY fault for not trusting u. in case it is not clear enough who i'm referring to, he is my supposed-to-be dearie for the past 2 months. stop all those NOT TAT I DUN LOVE YOU, I JUX NEED TIME TO GET BACK THE SAME OLD FEELING.

jerk. the word fits u too well. good. it all ended good.

phew

2005-07-08T10:14:00.000+08:00

phew! +breath in+breathe out+ this week finally over. next week can slack abit den have to rush projects again..

jux finished my IB test wor.. to study for it, actually slept in ard 3am. the test at 9am. sleepy now -.- jux like wad kua say, no time to finish the paper!! haix!! worse thing is i so sleepy den actually forget to write in certain points..

+My Paper+

1/3 of the paper: know how to do

the other 1/3: know how to do; budden too sleepy do half wrong

rest of 1/3: dunno how to do; anyhow write

haix.. it's over.. so no point broading over it.. pray tat i have a pass* dun dare to aim so high. weekends gonna be relaxing. cox already got plans for later this evening to sunday grins* i cant stay home any further. rotting soon keke..

my quote

2005-07-05T18:12:00.000+08:00

That's me; for now:

i cant allow stains in my relationship.

if there's any, i'll pack up and leave.

so sorry.

i'm jux chasing after wad everyone wish- perfect

back to sch

2005-07-04T11:26:00.000+08:00

back to sch again.

tired, budden this time round tired doesnt mean unhappy anymore.. keke.. saturday went to J8, had lunch there and bought 2 tops from 77th street hee.. oops.. spend $$ again.. one black top and the other is a combination of white and pink. hmm.. pinkish* u will seldom see me in =p

and last nite my 2 darlings came over to acc me for the night. 3 of us squeeze together on a queen size bed haha.. we slept in quite late..

so.. it's time to get down to sch work. insurance presentation tml, and ib test on friday. next week: qm project, ib project and effective portfolio due. wahh..

it's realli time to catch up with my stuff. more or less, i'm over with him. he's outta my life now. deleted his contacts from my hp oreadi. someone or something else gotta replace him in my life. and oh ya.. reminds me of liang..

liang,

pls dun shout at me, demanding an answer again.. now i'm realli not yet ready for another relationship. jux let nature takes its course k? cox if u insist on rushing things, i might jux start avoiding u and i dun wish to see tat happen.. i jux like the way things are right now.. sry..

thanks lao kua

2005-07-01T16:08:00.000+08:00

Thanks lao kua.. jux saw ur bloggie*

kua's words:

Saw Wanning this morning at the atrium while waiting for my frens, ermmm..

This ger seem rather tired and lack of the cheerfulness that she once had, she said that she's rather puzzled the way that someone had treated her...

I was puzzled too, maybe that someone intention is simple but we interpreted it in a complicating way... Maybe ba.. I dunno...

No matter wat, juz wanna see her smile once again... "Ger, no one can snatch away your happiness de wor.. I believe that there's someone out there waiting for you - Your Mr. Right lor.. Hee.. If he don't treasure U, so be it la... That someone will make you a happy ger once again de..

my words:

feel so connected to u esp. u used to experience similar problems with ur bf.. realli admire u. can handle ur relationship so well..

as for me, i've been such a failure. cant even keep my love one by my side. this sunday, supposely is our 3rd mth anni. and oso the 100th day since we 1st met each other.

i used to say, kang and ning, never be replaced. i guess it doesnt happen in real life *cries*

been trying to act strong.. but u see thru me. yea.. realli tired. the happy and cheerful me, seems to dunno go where. every nite feel like crying.. but wad's the use? he's gone. and gone for good.

realli appreciate to have u all as my frenz.. ruiqin and u.. been so understanding and helpful to my projects. thanks gers.. so touched.. love u guys!!

busy week 11

2005-06-30T13:53:00.000+08:00

today's thursday already.. the week sure pass by faster than i expected. a busy week.. we gotta conduct an interview for our insurance project. so we emailed to 20 over companies for help.

only one responded, and he actually rejected the interview. oh gosh!

deadline next tues. den nithya suggested call up company directly to request for the interview. tse hsiung did the calling haha.. cox no one wans to call, push all responsibilities to him. hee..

a lady named ms cindy lai, a general manager of a insurance broker company. din guarantee say will ans our questions but yet wans a favor from us to find out abt our sch's industrial attachment stuff.

looking for cheap labour? haha.. this is wad i tot.

got a D- for my effective writing ica1. haix.. 2nd guy in my life to affect my studies. the 1st guy is way back when i was in sec 1- he is sengkang, in case u dunno haa.

still can remember i flunked my maths test.. flunking a maths test realli happens only once in my entire sch life..

well.. when i see the D- today, i was like "huh?! how come i score so bad?!" but i jux sit down there keeping my silence.

sms him abt tat.. and he asked me to do well in others.

but y in the hell i sms him at the 1st place? toopid me.

not tat i'm blaming him for the poor grades. it jux makes me wonder y neglect my studies. i could have been smarter. only got myself to blame..

then ruiqin told me not to worry.. cox the teacher said tat for the 2nd ica the whole cohort did better.

how not to worry? there goes my straight dist, A & B. going to see C & D this semester.

jux beginning to feel better

2005-06-29T17:55:00.000+08:00

i have jux beginning to feel better, and there comes a sms from -him- asking me to remember eat lata.

makes me wonder, y show tat he cares? so hard to see him as a friend now.. and i noe the care he is showing doesnt mean anything else.. haix..

met a new guy recently bt i'm clear of the fact tat i'm not really ready for a new commitment. jux let nature take its course ba..

ok, enough of these.. gonna bore u all to death if i keep ranting on and on abt this issue for days lolx..

anyway, last nite had crabs for dinner!! yummy yummy.. thx granny, though u will nv get to see this blog haha!!

oso have to say a big thank you to lao kua and ruiqin.. regarding the cmfi and investment project this week. realli helped me alot when i have no direction at all on wad to do.. if not for them, gonna score badly for these projects.. hugs.. hee..

for cmfi, my grp actually got a grade A.. budden the teacher say we did badly for the previous written test.. orh.. die le larx.. haha.. let's jux pray hard to pass =p

moods affect my study

2005-06-28T11:18:00.000+08:00

skipped effective business this morning..

remembered ruiqin sort of "reprimand" me say i this semester in sch so bo xin. my best fren indeed. dun realli have to say it out and she noes all. shld have listened to her when she told me to let go of da relationship.

have been keeping my hands off da phone. falling sick. sound so sicky on da phone, whoever calls.

g-insurance tutorial lata at 4pm. have to go for tat one cos' i got the 2nd warning letter liaox. hurhur.. haix.. and the warning letter is cox of him. skipped it tat time juz to spend more time with him.

shit. he kept appearing in my mind. i realli giving him up this time. he's not the guy i wan. ytd nite peter told me smth tat i feel is so true.

he says, a relationship cannot juz depend on "feelings" to survive, cox feelings will go away when time goes by. this describes my relationship.

he's juz not the rite guy for me. so why am i holding it on? at least i got everything straighten out now. i believe time can heal everything. i juz nid time. wonder if my projects and icas can wait for me to heal 1st keke..

he dumped me

2005-06-27T22:41:00.000+08:00

a new blogskin. a new beginning for the blog owner.

he dumped me last sat.

yea.. there's nth to be shy abt. i'm being dumped like a rubbish* outta the relationship finally. he thinks i'm not a gd gf for him.

am i relieved? been asking myself for close to 3days. and i have to act a strong front in front of him. i dunwan to let him noe i'm weak!! why am i so unwilling to let go of the love we shared?!

a clear mind would tell me to giv it up. it's not worth it. cox we are so different. if this is love, how come i feel so bitter?

i tot things will be fine. i tot we will be fine. end up everything's not fine. it's juz an illusion. juz an illusion when i tot he's mine once again.

realli.. the toughest thing is to smile and laugh it out loud, when it pains in my heart. i can't show tat i care. and it's the pride in me.

there are so many players in the relationship. so how come i always seem to be the loser?

this time i'm giving up.

x. my heart simply melts .x

2005-06-20T17:58:00.000+08:00

x. my heart simply melts `.x

we patched things up oreadi.. keke.. i noe.. typical me hor? i tot it was over ler.. basically both of us are mad at each other.. initially, on friday he booked out, he suggested a one month cool off period, and refused to see me or hear from me. i noe i got him angry this time by initiating the break up thrice oreadi =x so wilful me.. den ytd, which is sunday, he asked me out.. i guess we really miss each other lots.. i tot i can live w/o him.. and as for him, he has tot of giving me up too.. two "chou pi jiang" together lolx.. i still can feel his hug now though he booked in ytd nite liaoz.. when he hug me in his arms and said, "everything's alright now", my heart simply melts!! from this, i've learnt another thing, tat is to compromise. i guess, both of us realli need to work hard on tat!! i dunno whether this is the right path for us.. i juz noe tat i love him.

x. my thoughts .x

2005-06-13T19:59:00.000+08:00

x. my thoughts `.x

i always heard abt girlfriends running away when their boyfriend is serving ns. well, it's not true. u noe wad? guys tend to neglect their girlfriends' needs, expect them to be understanding with this, understanding with tat. dear,our honeymoon period is over. u said b4 u sometimes scare alot of thing.. so y cant u understand y i'm thinking too much here? see for urself ur change in attitude. compare now with this. everything's changed. u said ur wish is i stay happy. ask urself, how true it is for now. on sunday u said i'm lying in my blog when i say i'm trying to be understanding for u. so who's the liar now? u nv cared abt my feelings when u said i'm lying in my blog. so how's the feeling now when i accuse u of lying? ya. onli me can make u fall tears. how abt me? where are u when i'm crying in my sleep? need me to tell u? U ARE SLEEPING. tired does nt mean u can ignore my needs. i'm feeling so insecure here, trying to figure out whether u have lost interest in me, or u are purely tired. u simply ignore my needs, and u call urself my bf. things have changed. so has my confidence in u, in the relationship. u realli got me all pissed off. and i believe so do u.

x. end of story .x

2005-06-13T18:13:00.000+08:00

x. end of story .x

we broke up. i initiated.

gal:

since ndp is taking lots of his time, u, as a bf, shld pamper and shower me with more care with remaining time we have. and yet, u expect me to be more understanding, noe when to giv u space for ur family and frenz. ya rite. i din say tat this is wrong. but tat doesnt mean u cant spare a few 5mins or so to chat with me on da phone? is it too much to ask? think of it. out of the 7days, the number of times i had the chance to speak to u. ok. tat's not all. u lay out restrictions on my hair length, my habit of dozing off in the bus and not exercising. and i'm not supposed to be angry when u said smth tat i don like. don u think u shld be more sensitive to my feelings? saying i'm fat. since u like girls with shorter hair and those who will listen to ur demands, y did u choose me at the 1st place? u really make me feel as though i'm not gd enough for u. ok. i admit. I'M NOT GD ENOUGH FOR U.

guy:

u are always thinking negatively abt our relationship. some time for me to spend with my family isnt too much to ask for. basically 80% of my time out here is with u. so when i reach home, it is either i will feel tired or i need time for my family and frenz. even when i'm out there with my frenz after sending you home, you expect me to talk to you on the phone. my time is so limited and do u think i have a choice? when i'm back home, i'm all tired. and i juz wanna u to look nicer with shorter hair length. dozing off in the bus for a girl is not so gd to see. exercise more is for ur own gd. now the time between us is short now, the more we shld treasure our time, and not always quarreling. u r making me feel wierd with all ur thoughts.

x. understand- a not easy 10-letter word to do .x

2005-06-11T18:56:00.000+08:00

x. understand- a not easy 10-letter word to do `.x

can things be less complicated? hai hai.. as his gf, i noe i have to be understanding, understand he's got no time for me; understand him tat he's all worn out when he booked out; understand tat he no longer can giv me the attention he once gave. now tat he got this ndp rehearsals every saturday, the time spent between both of us is reduced to short half day per week. and for the rest of the time, he's tired. he needs rest. as for me, i feel so insecure here.. cant figure out whether he is purely tired or his feelings for me lessen.. he don like me to think too much cos' he feels tat there's nth wrong with our relationship. he wans me to be guai.. here i am trying so hard to be an understanding gf. no matter how hard i try, i'm juz a ordinary gal, yearn to be loved and pampered. i wan his attention. baby, give me more of ur attention will u?

x. wad kinda monday?? .x

2005-06-06T18:38:00.000+08:00

x. wad kinda monday?? `.x

early in the morning dear is angry with me. it's my fault. it's always my fault. haiz.. wad a gd start for a monday morning. okies.. then we have everything cleared up by 11am, but meaning i've skipped the 11am lesson. den slept until 2pm and set off for sch. walking down the stairs i actually slipped and fell on my butt!! ouch.. hurt my leg. and tat's not all.. while i was scanning my card outside the lecture room, some1 opened the door from inside and i nearly become pancake.. well.. at least the cmfi test for today is fine. think shld be no problem ba.. this week quite slack.. wednesday no sch, thursday 2-hour lesson, thursday 1-hour lecture. and followed by 2 weeks break. gg. budden it seems like no difference cos' 2projects due immediately on the monday when sch reopens. sucks. the sch realli noes how to plan our "holiday". or is it a holiday at all? shrugs..

x. ICAs Over- for week 7 .x

2005-06-03T16:30:00.000+08:00

x. ICAs Over- for week 7 `.x

finally week 7 is over muahahaha.. monday investment test, tuesday qm test, and juz today, insurance test. over over over. been burying myself in the books these days. next week abit slack.. but abit only.. better than this week lar.. gonna give myself a break today. means not touching my books! tml then start study cmfi. okay.. the tot of it drag my spirits down. anyway, today is me and my dear 2nd mth.. at ntie meeting him for dinner i think. time sure flies.. happy 2nd mth anniversary dear.. muacks.

x. trust- the key to lurve .x

2005-06-01T22:24:00.000+08:00

x. trust- the key to lurve `.x

the main element in a relationship, is trust. this is wad i learnt from this incident.. to those who had read my blog ytd (which i deleted it off already paiseh..), my guy and i got certain misunderstanding. i tot he was knowing other gers in friendster.. when he called me today from public phone, he have things explained to me.. tat ger is someone his fren knew.. and he was msging the ger on behalf of his fren. now i am feeling toopid for not trusting him. at first i dun seem convinced by him.. budden he gave me his friendster pw for me to check on. yea.. from the friendster trash box, there are 13msgs all from girls.. but guess wad.. those are all dated before we are together =) i guess.. i can trust him ba.. hee.. so feeling so happy and so silly now.. dear, sry for not trusting u =x

x. wad i need is to be away from sch .x

2005-05-26T10:40:00.000+08:00

x. wad i need is to be away from sch `.x

thursday lesson is damn early.. every week have to drag myself out of bed. cold weather today.. feel like sleeping but later meeting for project again.. IB presentation tml ma.. haiz.. today morning in bus72, so pai seh wor me.. when abt to alight the bus, i get off from my seat and the seat actually fell out of place and i have to push it back haha.. spoiled chair.. den the 8am lecture is so boring. lecturer kept repeating the same thing: "when interest rate of the bond increase, the price decrease. when interest rate decrease, price increase".. toopid.. knew tat long ago in last year business finance module.. kept coughing.. dying soon ler.. so stress these days with 3ica plus the practitioner's talk. but close to my term break liaoz.. in 2more weeks time. tat's exactly wad i need- away from sch.

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x. weekends pass by so fast .x

2005-05-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

x. weekends pass by so fast `.x

weekends have pass by so fast.. now back to projects sianz.. ns and the ndp has taken away so much time between me and my darling.. plus test coming up next week.. no time left ler.. argh!! the thought of all these dampened my moods. shit. heard from dear that he wun be booking out most probably on this friday, with his ndp rehearsal. wad can be worst? today 7 hour of break time.. now is 3plus.. having lessons at 4pm. and i haben eaten anything for the whole day. din even have the time to go home and rest. IB projects due this friday. having presentation for it oso. still living in last weekend when i watched a movie with my dear on sunday nite in marina sq- The Amityville Horror. erm.. not bad.. but the House of Wax is much better than this show. i will give it 3stars ba.. hmm.. now is week 6. i'm waiting for the 2week break on week 9!! rest rest. away from sch.. is wad i wanted most now.

x. wanna be a strong gal juz for my dear .x

2005-05-18T15:17:00.000+08:00

x. wanna be a strong gal juz for my dear ` .x

realli veri glad and thankful for being able to see my dear ytd.. he booked out at ard 3pm and den have to book in again at 9pm. had dinner with his family too.. yummy yummy with so many dishes on the table. able to see him, hug him and feel his temperature, nothing can be better than tat hee.. though it is juz a short 4hours, it is still better than nothing. send him to the compass point interchange there, waiting for him to board the bus b4 i headed home. feeling of parting.. so unbearable. and i told myself not to shed any tears.. cuz dear will feel bad abt it.. i wanna be a strong gal juz for my dear. today is wednesday.. friday able to see him again cheers! this is wad kept me going.

x. my weekend .x

2005-05-16T12:06:00.000+08:00

x. my weekend `.x

now attending the investment tutorial.. haiz.. the teacher kept teaching us things tat are out of our lecture coverage.. kept using jargons, as if we already knew alot of this area. y cant he juz continue with the tutorial questions? yada yada. keep blabbering on. first lesson of the week. omg.. how am i going to survive his lessons? last weekend, dear book out on friday ard 7plus :) so glad to see him. friday nite went over to his place watch the last episode of "jing zhong ren". dear's mother so cute hee.. gave me vitagen drink.. den kept smiling at me.. make me so paiseh hee.. den after the show went to kovan arcade there.

saturday morning drag dear to k-box =x afternoon to ps den we went to east coast for dinner. so many pple there.. practically cant find any seats sho waited a long time to be seated. and den it is sunday.. my most dreaded day :( cuz dear have to book in again. morning of his time dedicated to his family of cuz.. he has got to spend some time with his family ma.. so i slept up till 11plus. we went for lunch in hougang mall, and then to the arcade there. so "she bu de" to see him off at 7plus sobz.. but again. no choice but to wait for this weekend =I

x. missing dear dear .x

2005-05-11T21:03:00.000+08:00

x. missing dear dear `.x

juz read mavis bloggie worz.. she's been mising her dear dear so much cuz he went to aussia for 9days. realli able to understand how she feeling wor.. my dear serving ns now.. to me seems like he overseas every week cuz we can't even contact each other from sunday nite to friday. mavis juz bear with it ya? 9days will be over very soon de huggies.. den as for kua, her bf juz ord this week wor! so envy! now they can spend more time together ler. there's still a long way for my dear sobz.. aniway, today's wednesday so no lesson. went out with my siblings to kovan bought many things hee.. erm.. bought up till $70 now broke ler..no $$. must start saving. hmm.. tired tired now.. tml lesson at early 8am. but lucky lesson ending at 12pm cheers! but staying back to do my projects sianz..

x. fulfilling weekend .x

2005-05-09T13:19:00.000+08:00

x. fulfilling weekend `.x

now in my sch lab blogging again. well, had a fulfilling weekend and now is back to school sianz.. all tutorials almost done ytd nite.. actually off lights at 12plus. but dun seem to fall asleep wor.. been thinking abt dear, his smile and juz the way he look at me hee.. miss him sho much.. tears fell down my cheeks :( whenever i saw those letters he wrote fer me, it gets worsen. falling sick soon juz by missing him sobz.. every sunday nite is tough for me. cuz it is when he booked in. means i have to wait a long 4-5 days before i can him again.. hmm.. juz now check my last semester results found out tat my GPA actually dropped from 3.68 to 3.495. too many Bs for my tep attachment ler :( need to buck up with my project stuff ler.. cuz they are due the week after next and i haben started on it yet. gonna be busy.

x. rainy fri-day .x

2005-05-06T16:22:00.000+08:00

x. rainy fri-day `.x

now in sch to attend the IPP briefing at 3.30pm. rainy day was sleeping at home juz now during my 3hours break hurhur.. eyes practically cannot open for this morning's 9am lesson so have to end up wearing specs [nerdy-looking] =I was missing my dear dear as usual.. sad arz.. ytd he told me he most probably will book out on saturday but dunno wad time sianz.. got him a gift to compensate for our one mth anniversary. intending to give him a 3-d piggy made from paper material with our pics taken 4days ago, along with saga seeds and all movie tickets we had watched. put in a round bear tin with a small hand-made card. u can't find this anywhere!! hee.. hope he will like it. but i feel sort of kiddish to giv him this kinda gift. but regardless of wad gift i have fer him, his gift to me will always outdo mine. cuz to me, he is the greatest gift i eva had.. hee.. sunday's mothers' day le. haben prepared the present for my mum oops! hee..

x. meeting dear today .x

2005-05-05T13:23:00.000+08:00

x. meeting dear today `.x

dear juz called me hee.. he say later can meet me for abt 2hours wor.. den nid to be back in camp by evening.. sho surprised and happy to receive his call =) tml he booking out le.. hopefully they wun keep him back ba.. miss the time with him. weekends coming yea yea!

x. treasure the one beside u .x

2005-05-04T18:44:00.000+08:00

x. treasure the one beside you `.x

ppl are always looking out for the best one for him/her. and often, they fail to realise tat the right one for him/her has already appeared. as for me, sometimes, when i'm given too much trust and freedom, there's a tendancy to abuse them. and i hate myself for tat.. for being so uncertain in my relationship. fail to treasure the one beside me, always looking out for some1 better. AM I INSANE???!!! i really shld giv full commitment to the one i love. but on the other hand, how to commit to some1 who doesnt have the time for me, for some1 whom i only contact for 3days a week.. i couldnt even call him or sms him during the weekdays when he is in camp!! it's really driving me insane, juz by missing him.. haiz haiz..

x. hectic school .x

2005-05-03T14:24:00.000+08:00

x. hectic school `.x

ytd ish me and my bf, kangzz 1st mth anniversary!! din get to spend time with him tough.. but we celebrated it on monday. miss him sho much now. year 3 is sure tough.. projects and icas catching up already. sianz.. tutorials seem alot too.. though it is a mere 6subject. weekends are all commited to my bf, which is the only time i get to relax wor.. lucky thing is wednesday is off for me, no lesson hee.. school life's abit too plain. weekends are the only thing tat keeps me going. sianz sianz..

x. 2e2 gathering .x

2005-04-24T12:54:00.000+08:00

x. 2e2 gathering `.x

ytd had a gathering with ex-2e2 classmates. those present were- engseng (organizer), weiyang, joanna, mavis, kwee, geokling and bf, and lastly ish me and my boi boi hee.. gathering is short but is more than enough for me le :) had lunch in compass point food court. even saw xue hua there. soon after lunch we parted. then went to orchard with kua and her bf. throughout the journey we were teasing one another lolx! we parted at Doby Ghaut station cuz kua is going to PS but me and dear going to Far East. sho me and dear went shopping. dear wanna me choose a present for myself hee.. end up din buy anything cuz din c any of liking. den went to ps arcade as usual haha.. haiz.. but we ended up quarreling =x but everything's alrite now =)

x. a piece of shit .x

2005-04-21T11:26:00.000+08:00

x. a piece of shit `.x

this week was really shity. wad i feel is tat money realli make people so realistic. the way my grandma answers me is like she will feel the pinch when she gives me $$ for my books and stuffs. everytime i ask her for money she will like saying i shld go out work and all tat. but hey! i'm not asking her for my additional expenses. they are BOOKS k. today morning i woke up, she spoke to me very nicely, asking how much i need, and at nite i wan to eat can call her to buy home. i guess she knew abt me crying ytd so hard in my room. good. now my eyes are so sore, even wear specs to sch. shit.

x. feeling so insecure .x

2005-04-14T12:44:00.000+08:00

x. feeling so insecure `.x

dunno y lately has been feeling so insecure, like smth bad is going to happen or wad.. maybe is becuz my bf is not by my side ba.. in low spirits today, had been thinking alot, yet dunno wad's bothering me haiz..

x. the only happiness .x

2005-04-12T11:37:00.000+08:00

x. the only happiness in life `.x

the only happiness in life, is to love and to be loved.. before i met you, i never knew what is was like, to look at someone and smile for no reason..

x. last week of ardc .x

2005-04-11T12:42:00.000+08:00

x. last week of ardc `.x

next week going back to classical modules le.. ending tep finally =) spend the whole last weekend with my bf.. yar.. been into a new relationship one week ago.. forget to tell u all.. hee.. actually reach home ard 4plus am last friday haha.. so tired but.. very happy.. hope tat this relationship will be a better one..

x. not so stress now le .x

2005-04-09T14:04:00.000+08:00

x. not so stress now le`.x

finally wor.. finish the summary report, personal selling report, website, and my portion of the ARDC project. feel sooooo relieved now hee.. one more week to go.. juz now met pei jun and shiwae outside the lifestyle and she complain to me abt.. (u noe who?) haha.. sickening girl. actually i think tat she's not ugly at all lar.. but it is her character which makes her look bad. juz hope tat she can change for the better =)

x. free labour .x

2005-04-06T12:19:00.000+08:00

x. treated like free labour `.x

haiz.. this week being assigned to be the admin, been treated like a free labour. being asked to set up computer, sianz.. whole morning din even have the chance to do my own stuffs.. those reports lo~ sianz.. been grumbling alot these feel days.

x. back to sch- bad news .x

2005-04-05T12:51:00.000+08:00

x. back to sch- bad news!! `.x

well, the moment i get back to sch, i heard abt the summary report and personal selling report due on monday. tat's not the worst k. the worst is IPP for our batch most probably starts immediately after our tep, meaning we will have no holidays from now till we graduate. poor thing huh? sick of the sch.

x. moody star .x

2005-04-02T21:03:00.000+08:00

x. moody star `.x

2more days back to tep.. damn moody.. hai~ today so far had been a great day.. juz tat.. tired tired.. and ar.. moody. maybe it's becuz it's going to be the time of the month? haha.. hate to go back to tep.. life seems so difficult, or izzit i can't handle so i push the blame?

x. trying to overcome my heart .x

2005-03-31T19:21:00.000+08:00

x. trying to overcome my heart `.x

u all noe abt the collection of hello kitty magnets sold by 7eleven.. those whereby u spent more than $5 u get one free magnet? and i love hello kitty from young.. shao liang gave me a full set of hello kity magnets today. 31 magnets in total.. soOOooo touched wor.. tears nearly flow down my cheeks keke.. i'm trying veri hard not to let my heart overcome my mind now.. but it's a tough thing to do.. how how??

x. first day of block leave .x

2005-03-28T16:18:00.000+08:00

x. first day of block leave `.x

it is monday!! but i'm at home hehe.. having my block leave this week, had a wonderful weekend wor.. *smile* last friday went to watch 5th movie of the month- the eye.. quite lame but the show is interesting.. featuring on 10 ways to c ghost.. eerie arz.. den satuarday i oso went to the x-zone arcade. played NBA wit 17 wins!! those challengers realli tire me out.. realli had a relaxing weekend. hope tat this week of block leave will go SLOWLY!!

x. going off fer break .x

2005-03-24T09:18:00.000+08:00

x. going off fer break`.x

this mth in total rite, i watched 4 movies oreadi keke.. hitch, son of the mask, robots & hostage. haiz.. the hostage is damn boring!! juz watched it ytd.. today taking flex-leave, sho will be leaving at 1pm yeah! tml ish good friday and next week my block leave. finally get to be away from tep.. erm.. tell u a toopid act i did haha, it juz happen few mins ago.. i wore a ring to go wit my dressing today mahz.. den the ring is quite loose, easy drop off. so when huimei come ardc outside saying hi to me, i too enthu to wave hands at her.. den my ring fly out of my finger drop on the floor lolx~!~!

x. a wierd outcome .x

2005-03-21T08:59:00.000+08:00

x. a wierd outcome `.x

well.. ytd went to town with cheesiang.. hmm.. feel kind of bluff-ed by him. he din told me he'll be meeting tommy, and it's like.. did it on purpose to let both of us meet up. feel awkward nehz.. in the end 3 of us sat in mac to chit chat then went to watch the movie- robots.. quite cute the show hehe.. erm.. it still feel wierd.

x. early saturday .x

2005-03-19T11:18:00.000+08:00

x. an early saturady `.x

i actually woke up at 6am, on a saturday!!! haha.. went to support my sis bball match. cant believe i actually kana convinced by her to go lolx.. i erm.. actually feel the bond between my 2 sis once again.. which makes me feel tat, hey.. life isn't that bad at all! *smile* today to me is a peaceful saturday, now in my own home lac lac..

x. something i'll never reveal .x

2005-03-18T10:45:00.000+08:00

x. something i'll nv will reveal `.x

these few days had been tough.. 2 days ago, there is a certain thing which.. erm.. scare the hell out of me. i realised tat, guys can be realli very very scary. cuz u will nv noe wad's on their mind.. and it's lyke.. y r u treating me this way? haiz.. this is something i'll nv reveal for the rest of my life..

x. no more fairytale .x

2005-03-17T09:10:00.000+08:00

x. no more fairytale `.x

somehow, certain things make me realise that there is no fairytale in real life. it only exist in dreams... ish lurve always = hurt? in a relationship, we quarrel and get hurt. even when u try not to lurve tat some1 in ur life anymore, it still hurts. if euu say this is lurve, i'll rather not lurve.

i can never lurve euu again

with this bleeding heart broken.

i hate myself for lurving euu,

thanks for acting lyke euu cared.

i don't think i need euu anymore,

euu aren't worth tearing for.

x. meaningful poem .x

2005-03-16T17:08:00.000+08:00

x. meaningful poem`.x

to fa[l]l in love is always` easy

to start a relatiOnship is always simple...

to build it, is` always tough...

to maint[a]in it, is 'better said than done'...

to break off, is 'easier said than d0ne'...

to remain frie[n]ds after u broke off, is never possible...

x. a wonderful day .x

2005-03-15T08:41:00.000+08:00

x. i had a wonderful day `.x

wow.. realli had a wonderful day yesterday nite. the moments i had wit my family makes me suddenly miss them now. after dinner ytd at the "da san yuan" there, we went to heartland mall c c look look lolx~!~! juz imagine my family of 6, going to a small bakery shop. Almost full worz haha.. but somehow, things r still wierd between me and my dad.

x. i guess i'm alrite now .x

2005-03-14T08:53:00.000+08:00

x. i guess i'm alrite now `.x

hmm.. the 4th day since i broke up wit him.. slowly picking up the bits & bits of my life, leaving those abt him behind. in the process of healing, but i guess i should be alrite now.. he came to find me ytd. and i told myself tat i wun let history repeat itself. i will not love him anymore. well, there's always something in life to look 4ward to!! juz like the dinner i will have wit my family today =)

x.someone out there for me .x

2005-03-12T10:00:00.000+08:00

x. someone out there, juz fer me `.x

the broken soul is still healing, with a fragile heart. so handle it wit care will euu? even after wad has happened, not once tat i given up hope on love. i will still seek for true love, fer the prince charming in my life. i believe tat there's some1 out there, juz fer me. but the problem is, am i ready to start a new relationship now? am i? i don wish to c my next relationship be juz an escape route fer my broken soul.

x. in a dilemma .x

2005-03-11T11:16:00.000+08:00

x. i'm in a dilemma!! `.x

when u luv a guy, but he kept doing things to hurt u, is it natural for girls to put on their protective shell to stop getting hurt? i luv him.. but his actions.. the phsical pain he caused on me, left dirty scars which in my whole life i'll nv 4get. haiz.. today is supposed to be our 2nd year anniversary, a day we look 4ward for mths already. and here i am, choosing to giv everything up.

x. mum's request .x

2005-03-10T11:54:00.000+08:00

x. bothered: to go home or not to?? `.x

it jus occured to my mind that mum actually wans me to consider going back home to stay after pursuing my studies in poly, which is one more yr left ba.. staying at my grandma hse, had been 2yrs plus since after my 'O's..

pros:
i noe she misses me alot, wans me back home and all tat, cuz i cant possibly dont go home forever mahz.. and i misses my siblings too, the way the hse is always "re nao".

cons:
i have the freedom i wan in my grandma hse. dont have to be forced doing household chores. back at home, i cant chat on phone till wee hours, cant go out late at nite, cant escape from scoldings and chores. there's no one to reprimand me here except certain nagging of course. guess i'm staying?

x. sad day .x

2005-03-08T17:01:00.000+08:00

x. sad sad day~ `.x

today i broke up with the one i love.. sad huh? becuz of me being too impulsive, or is it becuz i'm holding on tooooo long? true.. this time is due to small issues again.. typical me huh? we can't even solve small issues. so.. how are we supposed to handle major ones? very vexed now.. juz feel lyke lying down on bed doing nothing.. :(

x. ARDC is boring .x

2005-03-07T15:49:00.000+08:00

x. ardc is boring!!! `.x

this new stopover of mine is realli veri boring!! briefing all the way.. this morning only i had yawn more than 20 times lehz.. the 1st 10 yawns, hmm.. not so bad... but after 10, i feel so paiseh nehz.. been yawning like noboday biz.. haha.. hmm.. hope things will get better.. *cheers*

x. friday nite with the one i love .x

2005-03-05T01:08:00.000+08:00

x. friday nite with the one i love `.x

went to watch movie again hehe.. one of my favourite pastime.. this time is the movie- hitch. a comedy. there's a phase "9 out of 10 women believes that their 1st kiss will tell them everything about the relationship" hmm... personally, i feel that it is someway true keke.. hmm.. wad do u think? this show is realli nice. laugh throughout the show *grin* i began to realise that nowadays i go fer movies more and more often. dear say waste $$. next show will be- Son of the mask.

x. SBM day .x

2005-03-02T16:00:00.001+08:00

x. SBM Day--> Award Day `.x

I juz came back from the sbm day.. veri excited and happy too.. =) 1st in my life time where I get top. Hehe.. diploma in financial services! Got a $100 book voucher from Thomson learning, duno where is it. Expiring at the end of April.. anyone can tell me where it is??

x. a surprise phone call .x

2005-02-28T08:45:00.000+08:00

x. a SURPRISE phone call `.x

i juz received a phone call on saturday from the school itself.. guess wad? until now, i still cant believe what the teacher, ms chan had told me!!! she inform me abt the sbm day (on this wednesday) and asked me if i could attend.. she even congrats me for being.. here's wad i still cant believe.. i think u all would oso lyke tt.. ---> top in diploma.. top in diploma financial services!! on tat day itsef awards would be given to students wit best in module, best in diploma, etc.. i'm so excited up till now!!! but wondered if i heard wrongly or not.. it's.. amazing.. =)

x. busy day .x

2005-02-26T04:45:00.000+08:00

x. busy busy day `.x

today had been quite busy. i'm now in eldc my comp here rushing my e-resume (in flash de) cuz having the sharing session at 4pm today. even skipped lunch for that.. one of my report is finished meaning 1 less thingy to do- which is a good thing. after sch dear finally bringing me to movies =) already booked the ticket for- white noise. quite interested in that show lehz.. i've been dragging dear dear to go watch.. hee.. but the fun will be after my sharing session.. finally able to relax relax. also i planning to drag dear to go k-box on the weekend.. shh.. =)

x. naughty dear .x

2005-02-23T09:30:00.000+08:00

x. naughty dear `.x

naughty dear dear, when we are bickering ytd, he said, "wo shi bu hui dui er shi li qu fu de!!".. bth.. say me ish er shi li (24 li).. dear!!! u 48li arz!! okok.. enough of our mushy mushy.. hehe.. argh!! juz now in the morning a guy nearly bump into me at the toilet there and he still giv me black face worz.. toopid.. as if i did it on purpose lehz.. siaoz.. finally the NTUC income project cuming to an end.. one thing less to do AND! don nid to c that teacher anymore haha.. the happiest thing that happen today.. she ar.. tok veri loud loud de.. as though we owe her money lyke tt worz.. old old not pretty somemore. hmm.. left wit the 2 report, next week presentation, e-resume, and the ed project--> tat's what i mean by ALOT. up till next week to complete. half an hour more to sch dismissal.. COUNTDOWN!

x. week 6 in eldc .x

2005-02-22T06:44:00.001+08:00

x. week 6 in eldc `.x

It’s already week 6 in eldc, the 2nd last week ler.. after this, we will be moving to a new stopover liaoz.. gonna miss the time I have here.. wit the new frenz I have known here. It’s monday.. monday blues.. so sianz today.. feel lyke a lot of things haben do but in no mood to do any.. maybe cuz I miss dear too much? Or maybe cuz I have too much things on hand tat I feel like slacking? Hmm.. feeling lost lost..

x. i'm in bad mood .x

2005-02-17T04:43:00.000+08:00

x. i'm in bad mood `.x

tmd!!!! was given 1st verbal warning by my supervisor for playing games.. he says i'm next on the hit list.. toopid!!!! threatens me to change my seating.. sianz.. already complete the dinerdash up till the 5th restuarant liaoz.. now cannot play ler.. :~/ still nid to take the test later at 4.30pm.. only study finish half of it. wad a bad day.

x. my valentine's day .x

2005-02-16T01:50:00.000+08:00

x. my valentine's day `.x

ytd had been a romantic day~ with my favourite purple roses and a big forever frenz bear- which i name it "milk".. haha.. cuz it's milky in colour.. dear actually stood outside the eldc with those gifts on hand.. realli appreciate it.. ytd we watched a movie- Constantine, at the cinema there's an toopid uncle sitting behind me keep kicking the chair. irritating. the good thing is that dear offered to exchange places with me.. so sweet~!! and dear actually enjoyed the kicking
0.-"' still in valentine's mood.. so taking MC today!! =) sianz sianz.. tml got customer service test.. haben study..